Golf II

August 14

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law. ~ H.G. Wells

This was Day 5 of the 100th Annual Resorters Golf Tournament. It was serious golf tiime – in the championship quarter finals. As you’ll recall from your readings, the Alexandria High School girls golf team won the state tournament earlier this year by an astounding 22 shots by shooting a team tying record 303 in the 2nd round (top 4 scores on the team, which were 75, 75, 76, and 77). The whole team is made up of underclassmen, as in they’ll all be back again next year. Well, I had never seen any of them play before, so today was going to be the day. Hannah Boraas (a junior-to-be) and Cora Larson (a senior-to-be) were the team leaders all year. They would be in separate contiguous foursomes, so I could follow both, that also contained two previous Resortes winners. Pencils ready, begin . . .

[And the man on the mic, doing yeoman’s work announcing the golfers (most from this continent) on the first tee all week, Dave Kjos . . . ]

[Ale Heinen, the defending champion from Wichita, Kansas, off the first tee . . . ]

[Hannah Borass, a junior-to-be from the Alexandria High School state champions . . . ]

Golf is a game of coordination, rhythm and grace, women have these to a high degree. ~ Babe Dickson Zaharias

[Had to throw an old(er) gentleman into the fray. Chris Haugen of Alex was the Senior Men’s runner-up . . . ]

[Cora Larson, senior-to-be, from the state champion team . . . ]

[Hitting her 2nd shot on No. 3 from a bit below the horizon . . . ]

One hundred years of experience had demonstrated that the game is temporary insanity practiced in a pasture. ~ Dave Kindred

[And now chipping . . . she and Hannah were wearing their Cardinal uniforms . . . ]

Talking to a golf ball won’t do you any good unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. ~ Bruce Lansky

[The 4th estate was present for event – Echo Press editor, Al Edenloff, on the 3rd green (as a cub reporter I dared not venture onto the greens for photos) covering I believe his 37th Resorters . . . ]

[Cora putting on the 3rd hole . . . ]

[Hannah approaching the 3rd green . . . ]

[The ball is in flight . . . ]

[I’m guessing she was not pleased with that effort . . . ]

[Cora teeing off on No. 4 . . . ]

[I’m guessing most (all?) people in my age group could not come close to duplicating that swing . . . ]

[Hannah teeing off on No. 4 . . . ]

A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o’clock and make it go toward 12 o’clock. But make sure you’re in the same time zone. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf is the cruelest game because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around. ~ Rick Reilly

[I told Al I had these photos if he needed an alibi for anything . . . ]

[Club members volunteered all week to have their eyebrows singed over flaming coals . . . ]

[Don survived this moment . . . ]

[Cora always seemed to incorporate a smile into every shot . . . ]

[Putting out on No. 5 . . . ]

[Hannah lobbing onto the 5th green . . . ]

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. ~ P.J. O’Rourke

[Judy joins Don making burgers and dogs with their fashionable blue surgical gloves . . . ]

[World travelers, whom we believe, have visited several more countries than we . . . ]

[The par 5 6th hole leading down to beautiful Lake Darling . . . ]

Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine. ~ Jim Murray

[Hannah hitting off the ever treacherous down hill lie . . . ]

[Stay down and through . . . ]

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. ~ Thomas Mulligan

[And the putt . . . ]

[The signature Minnesota-shaped 7th green . . . ]

The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is – don’t. ~ Tony Lema

[Ranger Gord from “The Red Green Show” . . . ]

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad. ~ A.A. Milne

Golf’s three ugliest words: still your shot. ~ Dave Marr

[Ale’s tee shot on No. 7 . . . ]

[Then Hannah’s . . . ]

When it’s breezy, hit it easy. ~ Davis Love, Jr.

It’s so ridiculous to see a golfer with a one-foot putt and everybody is saying “Shhh” and not moving a muscle. Then we allow nineteen-year-old kids to face a game-deciding free throw with seventeen thousand people yelling. ~ Al McGuire

[Beautiful Lake Darling from the 8th tee . . . ]

[Looking back up at the 7th tee . . . ]

[Hannah approaching the 9th hole . . . ]

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf. ~ Henry Longhurst

The woods are full of long drivers. ~ Harvey Penick

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson

[Cora teeing off on the back nine . . . ]

After all these years, its still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

I don’t fear death, but I sure don’t like those three-footers for par. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

You can’t call it a sport. You don’t run, jump, you don’t shoot, you don’t pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don’t match. ~ Steve Sax

[And aliens, too – especially aliens!!]

[Alayna Eldred, the 2014 champion when she was 14 years old . . . ]

[She’s from Osakis (11 miles from Alex) and has worked in the AGC clubhouse for 4 years (I think?) . . . ]

[She’s accomplished a lot for someone who stands on the wrong side of the ball . . . ]

There are no short hitters on the tour anymore – just long and unbelievably long. ~ Sam Snead

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~ Harry Vardon

Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward. ~ Ken Venturi

[Hannah . . . ]

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~ John Updike

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses. ~ Adlai Stevenson

[Neither Hannah, nor Cora had their ‘A’ games on this day, though Cora made a good comeback. They’ll be back mightier than ever next year . . . ]

[I was heartened that some of the old bucks came out to watch the women play. To a buck, they were amazed at how far they hit the ball. In fact, we concluded they should be playing from the men’s white tees. They were often hitting less than drivers off the tee and still hitting short wedges for their second shots. Well, take this hole for example – No. 12 is 460 yards long. The red stake with the white top is the 150 yard marker. Alayna is taking a reading from I’m guessing 185 yards out – a 275 yard drive. Ale’s ball is visible ahead at about 160 yards out – a 300 yard drive! And they were hitting into the wind . . . ]

No one ever swung too slowly. ~ Bobby Jones

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it. ~ Ted Ray

Up Next: Still lotsa Resorters to go . . .

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