The Babies First Year

July 28

I hope this doesn’t shock you, but the Super predates the boomer generation by one year and I am a second year boomer. That means we are required under local, state, and federal law to have cats – as a requirement for continuing Medicare eligibility. The pandemic meant we couldn’t put it off any longer. The Super was getting cabin fever and was itching to be able to travel again. So, we did, on October 3rd. All the way to the Golden Valley Humane Society to pick up Guinevere and Galahad, sister and brother born on July 28, 2020. This is their life story . . .

Warning: This post is nothing more than Fran Lebowitz quotes interspersed with kitty photos . . .

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab. ~  Fran Lebowitz

The customary way for white people to think about the topic of race—and it is only a topic to white people—is to ask, “How would it be if I were black?”…..The way to approach it, I think, is…to seriously consider what it is like to be white. ~  Fran Lebowitz

October 2020

Soft kitty, Warm kitty, Little ball of fur. Happy kitty, Sleepy kitty, Purr Purr Purr . . .

[Above: Laddie in front (whiter face); Guinie behind. Below: Golden Valley Humane Society]

He allowed people to express their racism and bigotry in a way that they haven’t been able to in quite a while and they really love him for that. It’s a shocking thing to realize people love their hatred more than they care about their own actual lives. The hatred – what is that about? It’s a fear of your own weakness. ~  Fran Lebowitz

[Kent Nerburn, an author with a couple of fans, is also the sculptor of the above . . . ]

[Thank you!]

[First photo at home – go for the shoe laces, pull dad’s shoes off the bench . . . ]

I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere. ~  Fran Lebowitz

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail. ~  Fran Lebowitz

My favorite animal is steak. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Thanks, Mom! We love the 5-story condo . . .

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. ~  Fran Lebowitz

[Cod piece?]

I am not the type of person who wants to go back to the land. I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Do we need sunblock?

No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. ~  Fran Lebowitz

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Perhaps the least cheering statement ever made on the subject of art is that life imitates it. ~  Fran Lebowitz

[Looking for good seats for their first snow . . . ]

Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn’t have to put them in prisons? ~ Fran Lebowitz

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don’t know won’t hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility. ~  Fran Lebowitz

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies. ~  Fran Lebowitz

There’s no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn’t be lovelorn. ~  Fran Lebowitz

November

[Golf is discovered as an indoor spectator sport . . . ]

I think it’s a 4-iron . . .

You have to hit a low hook from there . . .

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Think before you speak, read before you think. ~  Fran Lebowitz

[They were pretty much the same weight . . . ]

[Then Laddie discovered food. We call him Laddie the Load dwarfing his sister . . . ]

[They were a little over 2 pounds here. They still fit themselves in this “container” at 12 and 8 pounds . . . ]

I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? ~  Fran Lebowitz

[Their first (and last) Christmas tree . . . ]

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not possibly have met. ~  Fran Lebowitz

[l]et me assure you: the world is full of mediocre men who are stunning successes. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. ~  Fran Lebowitz

There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gum. ~  Fran Lebowitz

A salad is not a meal. It is a style. ~  Fran Lebowitz

December

[The Super introduced the traditional Christmas flag . . . ]

There’s no equivalent to Mozart in writing. ~  Fran Lebowitz

That which we call civilization is merely the accumulated debris of a chilling number of bad nights. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram. ~ Fran Lebowitz

This is not my favorite way to wake up. My favorite way to wake up is to have a certain French movie star whisper to me softly at two thirty in the afternoon that if I want to get to Sweden in time to pick up my Nobel Prize for Literature I had better ring for breakfast. This occurs rather less often than one might wish. ~  Fran Lebowitz

January 2021

[How exciting – small creatures running up and down the screen. I think I can catch one . . . ]

People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand there must be a reason for this. ~  Fran Lebowitz

The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke. ~  Fran Lebowitz

[To her credit, Quinie developed a fondness for girls high school hockey . . . ]

If you’re going to America, bring your own food. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. ~ Fran Lebowitz

February

Nothing succeeds like address. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. ~ Fran Lebowitz

[Responsible parents getting vaccinated . . . ]

March

[The kitties introduction to the grape – they dove in head first . . . ]

The best fame is a writer’s fame. It’s enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Polite conversation is rarely either. ~ Fran Lebowitz

[Paper towels are much easier to use if they’re totally unrolled into an unruly pile . . . ]

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure. ~ Fran Lebowitz

April

[Responsible parents eating properly – at Krewe, the new cajun/creole restaurant in St. Joe . . . ]

Andy Warhol made fame more famous. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds. ~ Fran Lebowitz

 If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word ”collectible” as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success. ~ Fran Lebowitz

My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. ~ Fran Lebowitz

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain. ~ Fran Lebowitz

I write so slowly that I could write in my own blood without hurting myself. ~ Fran Lebowitz

I wouldn’t say that I dislike the young. I’m simply not a fan of naïveté. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke. ~ Fran Lebowitz

[With warm weather came the babies introduction to our open door policy . . . ]

First of all, nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. ~  Fran Lebowitz

There’s nothing like being old to be sure of everything. ~ Fran Lebowitz

I always liked people who are older. Of course, every year it gets harder to find them. ~ Fran Lebowitz

[Rising to new heights to knock stuff over . . . ]

[Master of all he surveys . . . ]

May

I have known…only one really, really good writer in my life who loves to write. Only one…Most people who love to write are horrible writers, so of course they love to write. ~  Fran Lebowitz

[The succulent didn’t need to be in that pot anyway . . . ]

[Aside from one trip to the vet, the babies had never been outside. The Super thought they needed an appropriate vehicle to do so . . . ]

Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one’s home. ~ Fran Lebowitz

But alas, I do not rule the world and that, I am afraid, is the story of my life—always a godmother, never a God. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers. I will not forget this. ~  Fran Lebowitz

If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try. ~  Fran Lebowitz

A loaf of bread that is more comfortable than a sofa cannot help but be unpalatable. ~  Fran Lebowitz

[Another nice day for a ride in the limo . . . ]

[Taking a rest on the shortcut home . . . ]

There are some great writers who are great talkers, but there are more great writers who are not great talkers. People seem to think there is some connection between talking and writing, but I love to talk and if there were some connection between the two of them I would be the most prolific writer in the history of the world. ~ Fran Lebowtiz

[The backyard to home . . . ]

[And back on the patio . . . ]

June

Cold water wash, hang dry, light starch . . .

[A morning sunrise, just because . . . ]

All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable. The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one’s soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive—you are leaking. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Contrary to what many of you might imagine, a career in letters is not without its drawbacks–chief among them the unpleasant fact that one is frequently called upon to sit down and write. ~ Fran Lebowitz

The favored mode of transportation is infecting a visitor and then hoping that he goes someplace. ~  Fran Lebowitz

July

I, personally, have never been able to throw a book away. I have seen books, like in trash, and to me it’s like seeing a human head in the trash. Even if it’s a horrible book. ~  Fran Lebowitz

[The babies were released into the great outdoors. We did under a contractual agreement that they would stay within the confines of our backyard, and we would be chaperoning. Of course, we have to go chase them back all the time. And now they perpetually beg to go out. Argghhhhh!]

Surely there must be something we can chase in here?

Scientists are rarely to be counted among the fun people. Awkward at parties, shy with strangers, deficient in irony—they have had no choice but to turn their attention to the close study of everyday objects. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. ~ Fran Lebowitz

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. ~ Fran Lebowitz

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable. ~ Fran Lebowitz

In summary . . .

It’s been an exhausting first year . . .

Today’s the day! We sang Happy Birthday but the concept seemed lost on them . . .

Sleep is death without the responsibility. ~  Fran Lebowitz

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Up Next: It’s in the queue . . .

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